| Shmuel Breban | |
|---|---|
| Born | Cedarhurst, New York[1] |
| Medium | Stand-up |
| Nationality | American |
| Years active | 2002–present |
| Genres | Observational comedy, satire |
| Subject(s) | Everyday life, puns |
| Influences | Mitch Hedberg, Jerry Seinfeld |
Shmuel Breban is a Jewish-American stand-up comedian known for his sharp and unconventional style, blending logic and absurdity, often through misdirection. He is fond of the use of comic devices such as the one-liner and the Paraprosdokian.
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Breban was born to, and raised by, Jewish parents in New York, and currently resides in Cedarhurst, New York.
After a short stint in the pro wrestling industry, Shmuel began performing stand-up comedy in 2002.[1] His clean,[2] smart comedic stylings gained a cult following on the New York club scene and the Jewish comedy circuit. Often compared to Mitch Hedberg and Jerry Seinfeld, his very quotable lines and observations are regularly featured on such sites as TheHumorList.com. In 2011, Shmuel was nominated for a prestigious OACA award in the category of Comedy Special of the Year.
As analyzed in his act, Breban lives with his mother and genuinely exhibits frugality. Breban has described himself as Jewish, with the addendum, “And more religious than you.”
• “My friend has difficulty sleeping, but I can do it with my eyes closed.”
• “Do you know why kosher meat is way more expensive? … Jewish animals are better negotiators.”
• “Did you know that they teach skydiving classes? No way, man. I’m not taking any class that’s graded pass/die.”
• “I used to believe that chiropractors where charlatans, but then I went to one, and now I stand corrected.”
• “I live in a two-income household, but who knows how long my mom can keep that up.”
• “I had some Chinese food the other day, and the fortune cookie was dead on about me. It said, 'Your cholesterol just went up.'”
• “I live in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood… We have three Chinese restaurants, five banks, and no hardware stores. It’s just not our thing... but we do appreciate the name True Value.”
• “You’re supposed to spend two months worth of salary on an engagement ring, so when I get engaged, some lucky lady will receive a piece of Life Savers candy.”
• “Growing up Jewish was a little different. Some of the other kids in my neighborhood had diaries; I had a ledger... where I recorded how many diaries I sold to the other kids.”
• “President of the United States is a great job. You don’t need to have prior experience at the position to get it, and y’all get to work from home; It’s like data entry, except you don’t need to know Excel.”
• “Did you know that the only Israeli gold medal in the history of the Olympics was in sailing? Further reinforcing the stereotype that Jews don’t tip!”
• “Lots of people see a guy in a yarmulke and immediately assume: rabbi. We’re not all rabbis... some of us are just stylish.”
• “A married friend of mine does that thing where he never goes to bed angry... because every time he and his wife fight, she makes him sleep on the couch.”
• “I was having difficulty deciding if I wanted to purchase this bed I was looking at, so the salesman told me... sleep on it.”
• “My friend does some drugs, but I wouldn’t call him a stoner. I don't think you should be considered a 'stoner' until you've hit rock bottom.”
• “I recently purchased a yo-yo at a flea market for just 15 cents -- No strings attached!”[3]
• “If you are allergic to alcohol... can you take shots for that?”
• “U2’s lawyers work pro bono.”[3]
• “I love America, but I just don’t feel comfortable celebrating Independence Day… because I still live at home with my mother and it wouldn’t be honest.”
• “Hey, how come Santa never leaves presents for the mafia? ... Because dere's no such t’ing as da mafia!”
• “The clothing shop near me had a pregnant mannequin in the window for a couple months, but now there’s just an identical, regular mannequin, and they pretend like nothing happened, but I know she had an abortion.”